How a Tinder Case-Study Encapsulates the Evolution of the Male Loneliness Epidemic

A close-reading and cultural analysis of the Tinder phenomenon (name redacted for privacy) transposed by boy - 2hollis

JAN 29 at 11:08 PM

Aw can u send me a selfie or something of you at least 🥺

Something recent 🫶

Make me cum bb

Something innocent hehe

I want to be inside of you so bad

Aw ur on bumble too hehe

Just saw u

It’s a brand new year, and he is ready for some brand new pussy. He made a list of New Year’s Resolutions and so far he’s been struggling with Resolution #1: fuck a new girl each week. His last girlfriend broke up with him because he “had some issues he needed to work on” and “spent too much time with his best friend Daniel”, but why the fuck would he listen to anything that blonde bimbo had to say anyways. Yes, she was successfully completing law school at USC, but that bitch was fucking dumb as shit. He decides to go through his New Year’s Resolutions once more. Number 2 is “No smoking weed or cigarettes, but cocaine and vapes are allowed” in order to biohack his immune system. Number 3 is “Listen to Andrew Tate for 1 hour each day”; he knows this will allow him to alter his brain chemistry so that he can become rich and successful. Number 4 is “No jerking off, but he is allowed to give himself head” which he hopes will increase his sperm count, and make him a more desirable male. He’s desperate to get back on track.

FEB 19 at 9:26 PM

Didn’t mean to do that!!

Fuck. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. He hoped she’ll forget that call. He was just jerking off and missing his mom. His tears dripped onto the screen and as he tried to wipe them away, his finger slipped and pressed call. He fucking hates himself and hits his Thomas the train pillow over and over again until Thomas’s right eye looms over his smiling mouth. His mom hears the commotion and knocks gently and then cracks open the door. She sees her son prostrate on the bed, and gently lays his matching Thomas the train blanket over his shaking back. 

MAR 11 at 10:32 AM

I found a good fuck spot in the park

He needs to create his own public humiliation ritual, and satisfy his urges to be seen. No one ever looks at him in public. He wishes he would get catcalled down the street and tell him he has a nice ass or giant tits. Sometimes on the weekends he crossdresses and creates the most perfect female figure of his own. He looks at himself in the mirror and then jerks off to his own reflection. Afterwards, he walks down the street and counts how many times he is groped by strangers. His record is 34. One time a guy even tried to take him down an alley and fuck him, but when he realized he was a male cast him aside. That night he went home and cried, and Thomas looked like he was drowning in the subsequent pool of tears. 

APR 12 at 9:55 PM

When you move out the dorms let me know 😭

I got a crush on you, do you crush on me too?

APR 13 at 10:25 AM

I want to use your perfect pussy to milk my cock

Oh you think this is a game?

FEB 17 at 08:27 AM

Do you wanna come over and be used like a perfect little fuckdoll

Let me play with you please please pleaseeeee Im bored of masterbating alone in my room to bad porn mommy says i can get a new toy if ive been good and ive been perfectttt please let me do whatever i want i just wanna fuck and not wear a condom and you know when u grow up no one uses condoms like the last time i wore a condom was in high school its not that big of a deal just let me hittttt come onnnn i know you want it raw you fucking whore come over and let me play with you and do my little test you do know what the test is right oh you dont well dont worry youll find out when you wake up to me fucking you and youll be cool with it because thats the test and you passed bc you let me do everything i wanted to even though we didnt talk about it but its really not that deep every hoe ive fucked has passed the test theyve all been cool with it so im gonna keep doing it because thats what these sluts want i know thats what they want you want it so stop being a bittch mommy always lets me get what i want and i want to fuck you so come over 

FEB 23 at 07:46 AM

Can I use your perfect warm holes as jerk off holes to milk my cock and fill up both of your holes with so much cum using my cum as lube going between the two till u pass out

Here we see the pinnacle of homo sapien evolution. The apes ate the shrooms and gained consciousness from the gods. Thus sparked centuries upon centuries of philosophers, artists, mathematicians, scientists, etc. Deep thinkers who have advanced and enriched the human race with wisdom and insight. Innovators who have pushed the boundaries of language and thought. Well today their work is complete, the dominos have fallen in perfect place, the stars have aligned and God Himself came down from Heaven to witness the birth of the Poet. The Poet speaks with a tongue of gold, his pen drips diamonds onto the page. When the Poet writes, his loyal followers drop whatever they’re doing and read. When the Poet speaks, his fawning audience falls to their knees and worships. The Poet can talk his way out of Hell, can end wars with his songs, can make women and men orgasm from his words alone. It’s all a game of choice and the winners are the Poet and everyone blessed with his power to choose the right words, place them carefully in the right order, and speak them into existence only at the right moment. He chose those words, he wrote them, it may be his finest work. But most importantly, he chose you. You are his lucky audience today. Read the message and cum.

MAR 11 at 10:22 PM

Hey 

I found two spots in the park

I want you

Wyd

Ughhh

I hope you know I miss you more than anything

I’m living a dream

MAR 19 at 09:41 AM

Hey

Hi

Hello

Can you come over tonight fairy girl

I want to use your perfect tight holes

And hold you and kiss you

Im gonna go fucking batshit I dont know how much longer I can live like this. I wake up, alone. Go to work alone. Work a fucking hellish shift driving around the city for ten hours, alone. Go home, alone again. Jerk off alone in my room. I miss my dad. I just wanna smoke a joint but my plug is going fucking mad bc I havent paid the last two times. All I need is $10 but Im fucking broke again, on top of everything. And this fucking tinder slut wont respond. I know she wants it though. God she was so young. Too young. My barely legal little fuckdoll. i cant let my roommates see her or theyll flip. its fine though we’ll fuck in a park or something. she’ll take it anywhere. 

MAR 20 at 07:43 AM

I fell asleep😭

Do you wanna meet in the park later tonight though

So I can bend you over a tree

And wreck your tight pussy

Can I have a selfie pls

Maybe she’s a nature girlie, or a hiking slut, or a cottagecore fiend. Maybe she’s trying to connect herself spiritually to nature and meditates along the California coast. He hopes. He hopes she will understand how much nature means to him. How fucking her in the park over a tree fulfills his each and every desire. Sex, nature, and public humiliation. He hopes they get caught maybe by the cops who will shine bright flashlights illuminating his powerful and strong body and his delicate fairy princess fuckdoll. Maybe they’ll handcuff him naked and everyone at the precinct will see his manliness and cower from him. Or even better a SF tweaker will watch them silently, jerking off to the union of their love. Just thinking about this makes him hard. 

MAY 9 at 02:27 AM

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I miss u

Girl, I love you like a sister 

MAY 9 at 12:47 PM

Can you send me pictures of what you been up to how you been fuckdoll😭

I’m always torn apart, I’m easy target for you

MAY 9 at 10:44 PM

Hiiii

The third attempt that day, again to no reply. But third time’s the charm, good things cum in threes, three is a lucky number right??? So maybe this time will be different. She’ll answer. And if she doesn’t answer, she’ll answer next week. Or the week after. Or the week after that. 

MAY 18 at 10:33 AM

Hey let’s meet up in the park somewhere tonight hehe

Actually can we Monday

I also know a pretty spot in lands end with a view of the bridge

I had to walk up all your stairs

Feels so 

Feels so unfair

MAY 18 at 12:41 PM

When will you be back so I can use your tight juicy pussy to milk my cock

I need your pussy so badly

I’ll make my way down to the water

Where she’ll wait for me

MAY 19 at 09:22 AM

Hi sexy can I a flick of you I’m having a rough morning

WHY WON’ SHE FUCKING ANSWER. HE’S HAVING A FUCKING ROUGH MORNING. WHY DON’T GIRLS EVER CARE ABOUT HIM. THEY ALWAYS CAST HIM ASIDE AND CLAIM TO BE BUSY OR HAVE OTHER OBLIGATIONS. WHY DON’T THEY EVER FUCKING TREAT HIM AS WELL AS HE TREATS THEM. HE’S BEEN SENDING HER GOOD MORNING TEXTS AND PROSE, POETRY EVEN, THAT HE HAS WRITTEN IN HONOR OF HER BODY, HER BEAUTIFUL, FERTILE, YOUTHFUL BODY. BUT SHE REFUSES TO FUCKING RECIPROCATE. ALL HE WANTS IS A PICTURE OF HER FUCKING TITS SO HE CAN JERK OFF AND GO ABOUT HIS DAY. DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND THE POWER SHE CONTROLS OVER EVERY WAKING SECOND OF HIS DAY. DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND HOW HE’S DROPPED ALL HIS FRIENDS IN PURSUIT OF HER VALIDATION. HE LOST HIS JOB LAST WEEK BECAUSE HE WAS ON HIS PHONE TOO MUCH TEXTING HER. HIS MOTHER FINALLY KICKED HIM OUT SO THAT HER BOYFRIEND COULD MOVE IN. DOES THIS FUCKING BITCH NOT UNDERSTAND HOW HARD HIS LIFE IS. 

MAY 21 at 10:45 AM

This is where I wanna fuck you

Try to dig my grave

MAY 28 at 04:52 PM

Found a good spot in ggp for you

Cross my heart, hope to die

MAY 28 at 8:58 PM

Are you still around?

Do you still wanna get used like a fucktoy by me

I took her out to dinner

Now she’s crying on the way back home

MAY 31 at 1:04 AM

When u gonna be back

Tiger in the cage, he’s looking for prey

JUN 14 at 8:39 PM

Hiiiiiii

Seven i’s to represent the seven deadly sins he will commit if he doesn’t get to fuck that pussy. Pride rises up in him like an overflowing basin. Greed creeps across his skin like a thousand fire ants marching. Wrath chokes him like vines of green ivy encircling his neck. Envy shimmers, her flashing teeth snapping and chattering before they bite into his pulsing neck. Gluttony is like a python that writhes in his stomach, chasing his own tail. And sloth fills his limbs with cement until he is frozen in place and time. If only she would reply…all of his problems would be solved. 

JUN 20 at 10:33 PM

I miss your tight jerk off hole so badly

You were made to be filled with with my cum forever

I know you watch me stalk me want me

Catch you staring cocky

JUN 30 at 5:57 PM

Hiii

Three i’s to represent birth, life, and death. Birth was when they matched on tinder, and he was filled with vigor and love. Life is when he texts her, each text symbolizing a thimbleful of hope that she will reply. Death will be when he loses her to the ether. 

JUL 2 at 4:37 PM

Is there a reason why you’re ignoring me sex fairy fucktoy

I miss you

So much

I really really miss using your perfect to make me feel so amazing I want to fill it up with all my cum all night

I want to make you a dumb cum hungry fucktoy that I can use to milk me making me feel so good

You have the most perfect right hole

The best feeling I’ve ever felt was oiling up your perfect young tight pussy and using it to milk my cock a few times I’m so happy I met you and you are so eager to let me use your perfect jerk holes for pleasure

I’d love to pound your perfect hole using my cum as lube to make it feel so amazing using you so aggressively pinning you down so you can’t move pounding you so hard you turn into a mindless fuckmeat fairy princess because you an’t think and I’m just pounding away till u pass out then I hold u

Tonight he decided it was time. Time to tell her how he really felt. He remembered a time long ago when he would think about the words he would speak to women, and when he would put time, effort, and care into his interactions with them. Tonight, he decided he would put in that effort once more, so he opened his notes app—careful to avoid his diary entries—and began to formulate his message. He thought it most important to convey his desire to possess and own her–after all, what girl doesn’t want to be owned. He also felt it important to elevate his writing style with high level verbiage and intellectual vernacular. He spent 3 hours on this prose and before sending it, put it through grammarly. Fuck, there were 28 suggestions he couldn’t see without paying for premium. He thought about it for a second. Fuck it, and he signed up for grammarly premium. 

MON JUL 8 at 12:12 PM

Hiiiiiii pls don’t ignore me

I know you achieved it

Don’t forget who you are

JUL 29 at 3:38 PM

Hey!! I miss you hope you feel loved and warm and feel the orgasm of life all around you☺️🫶

I really miss you sending you kisses

I miss being completely obsessed with using your perfect body like my own freeuse fairy princess fuckdoll

I kinda fell in love with you

I want you

Mine forever☺️

In this excerpt, we visualize the final deterioration of the male psyche where he comes full circle and embraces the complete extent of his Oedipus complex. He equates orgasms with life because an orgasm is what made him, what created him, what fundamentally formed his existence. He omits the neurological paths and hard-wired intuition that led to the union of his mother and father. His use of the blushing and heart-formed from hand emojis allow him to convey the deepness of his emotion and psychological state. He is merely blushing and in love with no other nuance or qualification to such emotions. He juxtaposes the phrase fairy princess with fuckdoll to show his lover how well he understands her. How every curve and shift of her body and mind can be caged into three simple words. How she is nothing more than a fairy princess fuckdoll. Finally he encapsulates his ultimate ownership of his female counterpart to fulfill his urge to conquer that is unfulfilled by modern life.